This week I had the opportunity to review and contemplate an article from the Supreme Court regarding Obergefell v. Hodges which is a summary of the ruling on June 26, 2015, that legalized gay marriage, (5-4 vote). The primary questions reviewed by the Court were; whether a State must recognize a same-sex marriage that is licensed and performed in a State which does grant and recognize that right; and whether States are required to license a marriage between two people of the same sex (Obergefell v. Hodges; 2015).

 Although the majority decision was, to a large degree, based on their interpretation of Constitutional justice and liberty, the main concern is reinforced by a comment by dissenting Justice Roberts, “This universal definition of marriage as the union of a man and a woman is no historical coincidence. Marriage did not come about as a result of a political movement, discovery, disease, war, religious doctrine, or any other moving force of world history—and certainly not as a result of a prehistoric decision to exclude gays and lesbians. It arose in the nature of things to meet a vital need: ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship (Quale 1988).          

But the most important knowledge and need for worldly understanding and acceptance is expressed by President Nelson,

“God is the Father of all men and women. They are His children. It was He who ordained marriage as the union of a man and a woman. Marriage was not created by human judges or legislators. It was not created by think tanks or by popular vote or by oft-quoted bloggers or by pundits. It was not created by lobbyists. Marriage was created by God” (Nelson, 2014)!

 Another concern was also voiced by Justice Alito, “I assume that those who cling to old beliefs will be able to whisper their thoughts in the recesses of their homes, but if they repeat those views in public, they will risk being labeled as bigots and treated as such by governments, employers, and schools” (Obergefell v. Hodges 2014). However, as President Nelson has admonished us, “The day is gone when you can be a quiet and comfortable Christian. Your religion is not just about showing up for church on Sunday. It is about showing up as a true disciple from Sunday morning through Saturday night—24/7 (Nelson, 2014, Aug. 14)!  Although this will require patience and tolerance on everyone’s part, Elder Dallin H. Oaks has stated, “Tolerance does not require abandoning one’s standards or one’s opinions on political or public policy choices. Tolerance is a way of reacting to diversity, not a command to insulate it from examination” (Oaks, 2001, 17).

In reading the Justices’ dissenting remarks it is clear that all are concerned regarding the unknown ramifications of this new law with regards not only to the definition of marriage and religion, but for family, children and society in general. As Christians, we must appropriately find our voice as admonished by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” 102.) And in the end, as stated by dissenting Justice Alito, “. . . no one—including social scientists, philosophers, and historians—can predict with any certainty what the long-term ramifications of widespread acceptance of same-sex marriage will be” (Obergefell v. Hodges 2014).

References:

Nelson, R. M. Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage. Brigham Young

University Commencement, 2014, Aug. 14.

Oaks, D. H. “Weightier Matters,” Ensign, Jan. 2001, 17. https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage

Obergefell v. Hodges;  2015. https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf

Quale, G. A History of Marriage Systems 2 (1988); cf. M. Cicero, De Officiis.

As a child of divorced parents, I related to Amato’s, “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation.” However, I especially related to the section on Quality of Parenting in this article. Amato states, “Regardless of family structure, the quality of parenting is one of the best predictors of children’s emotional and social well-being.

Although my situation didn’t involve co-parenting, it did involve a mother who was totally committed to us as a family and as children individually. I have always maintained that I didn’t experience much of the fallout of divorce because of a strong, steady, and spiritually committed mother. It was not easy in any way for her as she was required to return to the work force rather than stay at home. There was indeed stress in her life, but how she handled that stress never resulted in bad-mouthing my father regardless of how he might have warranted it. That taught me to be tolerant and respectful of others. It also taught me that regardless of the many, many, books written on parenting and the statistics on divorce and children, the spiritually faithful example and prayers of a righteous mother are far more powerful than any document or statistic. She remarried a good man and stepfather in the temple to further exemplify her strength and determination to bring gospel principles into our home and family, setting the example for me as I married 49 years ago.

Having said that, when reading about children of divorce, I do relate to some of the fallout such as economic hardship as a child, exposure to stress, and lower self-esteem. My mother valued education so the divorce never affected my education or my grades, as statistics indicate. Although my life at home was different than my friends’ homes, I never felt that I was less than or not accepted as an equal.

My mother carried some personal self-doubt from her childhood and I too lived with lower self-esteem than I would have liked. In turn my children have had to learn to build their self-esteem. I have tried to teach the principles of “Transitional Character,” addressed by Carlfred Broderick. “A transitional character is one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage.”  Hopefully they will pass on less and less self-esteem issues to their children.

Though not as serious and destructive as abuse, there are many characteristics such as pride, impatience, moodiness, intolerance, need to control, laziness, etc., that can make marriages and families suffer. I have therefore encouraged my children and others to look at things in their family that they may not like and become the one who, “in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage. Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives.” (Broderick)

References:

Armato, P. (Fall, 2005). The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next generation. The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96

Broderick, Carlfred (1992). Marriage and the Family. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall). pg 18.