Church magazines: Sister Hinckley, you have said that your husband “always let me do my own thing. He never insisted that I do anything his way, or any way, for that matter. From the very beginning he gave me space and let me fly.” How has he done that?
Sister Hinckley: He never tells me what to do. He just lets me go. He has made me feel like a real person. He has encouraged me to do whatever makes me happy. He doesn’t try to rule or dominate me.
President Hinckley: I’ve tried to recognize my wife’s individuality, her personality, her desires, her background, her ambitions. Let her fly. Yes, let her fly! Let her develop her own talents. Let her do things her way. Get out of her way, and marvel at what she does…If there is anything that concerns me, it is that some men try to run their wife’s life and tell her everything she ought to do. It will not work. There will not be happiness in the lives of the children nor of the parents where the man tries to run everything and control his wife. They are partners. They are companions in this great venture that we call marriage and family life (Marjorie Pay and Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, October 2003, pp. 22, 27).
I love this conversation about President and Sister Hinckley’s marital relationship! That is one of the parts of my marriage for which I am truly grateful. Feeling repressed, controlled, or monitored feels totally opposite to how our Heavenly Father created marriage to be. As stated by President Hinckley (2002) “In the marriage companionship there is neither inferiority nor superiority. . . “ (p. 52). Because this is not always the case, it’s important that couples begin conversation regarding the equality and respect of roles in the relationship with honesty and trust. The Proclamation is a great resource to begin your conversation if you are struggling with this concept.
A family council – couple only – would be a great time to discuss how each feels about their relationship. I know I have been burdened with heavy feelings that needed to be addressed and having regular councils has helped to bring up those concerns without discord or contention. I felt very much like Joseph Smith when councils in the Church were finally established, ‘I feel as if I was relieved of a burden which was almost too heavy for me to bear, and it rejoices my soul, that I am no any longer to be entirely alone in the world” (Smith, History of Joseph Smith by His Mother, 152) Beginning with words of love and appreciation and a prayer to invite the spirit will make all the difference in the outcome of the council.
In President Eyring’s (1998) talk on “That We May Be One” he stated, “Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect harmony. The Spirit puts the testimony of truth in our hearts, which unifies those who share that testimony. The Spirit of God never generates contention (see 3 Ne. 11:29). It never generates the feelings of distinctions between people which lead to strife (see Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 13th ed. [1963], 131). It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies souls. A unified family, a unified Church, and a world at peace depend on unified souls” (p. 2). Being able to discuss issues together in a council where we have prayed to have the spirit with us can help us change in ways that would otherwise seem impossible.
Resources:
Ballard, R. (1997) Counseling With Your Councils.“Chapter 2: General Councils in the Church” (Accessible Version)
Eyring H. B.,“That We May Be One” Ensign, May 1998, 66.
Miller, R. B. “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.” BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University, March 28, 2009.
BEYOND "I DO " 