The tumult and the shouting dies;
The captains and the kings depart.
Still stands thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart.
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget, lest we forget.
(Rudyard Kipling)
When we define pride, we tend to think of conceit, arrogance, self-centeredness, easily offended, hard-heartedness and lacking humility, etc. But according to President Benson in his talk entitled, Beware of Pride, we miss the most important part in failing to recognizing that pride is enmity towards God and each other. Defined, enmity means, “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” President Benson, reminds us that the antidote for pride is to have a broken heart and contrite spirit. There is no broken heart or contrite spirit when we allow pride to control our thoughts and actions.
Enmity – “It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.”
One of Satan’s greatest accomplishments in today’s world has been his ability to allow selfishness to permeate our every thought and deed. We live in a “me” centered world, “how everything affects me” is all that matters. This “me” centered world includes “self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking…
Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride. Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts.” (Benson) How pride affects our marriages and family relationships is of great importance to all of us. As we know, if Satan wants to destroy a society he will begin in the home with the marriage and the family.
How many pride games do you play? How do they affect the emotional and physical intimacy in your marriage relationship? Are you aware that these games put us in bondage? What price do you pay for playing these games?
Ignore spouse, or give spouse the “cold shoulder.”
Impatient with impatience.
Caught up in who’ s right and who’s wrong.
Blaming, defensiveness.
Attack, counterattack.
Score keeping, with intentions of noting who is winning or losing.
Refusal to apologize first.
Holding the other hostage by refusing to forgive.
Proving superiority by bringing up spouse’s faults.
Holding grudges.
Sharing spouse’s weaknesses with others.
Intentionally trying to create jealousies in spouse.
Get others to create an alliance with you against your spouse.
Putting words in spouse’s mouth to manipulate.
Displaying an attitude of entitlement in the marriage.
Stubbornness or unwillingness to change.
Selfishness, thinking only of your needs.
Unwillingness to learn from spouse.
Fault finding.Withholding love and affection.
The “silent treatment.”
I would add to this list, defensiveness; refusing to listen and hear what your spouse is saying. Proverbs 15:10, and Amos 5:10 states, The proud do not receive counsel or correction easily. In Matthew 3:9, John 6:30-59 it says, “Defensiveness is used by them to justify and rationalize their frailties and failures.”
In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John M Gottman, we are taught that if we are too proud to listen to, or be influenced by, our spouses then there is an “81% chance that the marriage will self-destruct.” It requires humility and a contrite heart to be willing to listen to and respect a spouse’s opinions. “Wise partners, listen to learn from one another” (Nelson)
H Wallace Goddard, in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage states, “Many of us grew up dreading humility and repentance. They felt like an unhappy encounter with humiliation. But, as we mature spiritually, we come to recognize humility and repentance as heavenly blessings. We cast off the tattered way of the natural man and put on the robe of righteousness. It is sweet.”
I remember when President Benson gave this talk. I carried around a copy about the size of a business card in my purse so I could read it often. It is amazing counsel for all of us. I found it interesting to see how many times words referring to pride defined how I felt and yet I did not recognize those feelings as pride. Doing all that we can to keep the spirit in our lives will safeguard us against succumbing to pride. Satan disguises pride in any way beneficial to him and destructive to us and our relationships.
“Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved, and homes strengthened, if pride did not keep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them. (See D&C 58:43.) (Benson
Works Cited
Benson, E.T. “Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989, 4
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (2nd ed.).
New York: Harmony Books.
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